Drowning in a drop

Harper hasn't been fond of the camera lately, but for some reason she was amenable to this shot:
This is a more typical response:
It's downright surly.
We briefly had another pet last week. It was a tiny roly-poly and it spent the morning crawling all over Harper's arm and she decided that it was the key to all happiness and contentment that the roly-poly join us later at the zoo. So I pulled out our makeshift bug catcher (a plastic leftover container with some air holes punched in the lid) and in went Tiny Roly-Poly Friend and an ivy leaf. As an afterthought I decided to put a couple of drops of water in since I certainly didn't want Tiny Roly-Poly Friend to die of thirst at the zoo. Hm. Make note, all you amateur entymologists: Tiny Roly-Poly Friends Don't Need Water. They will roll into a ball and roll right into said drop of water. They will drown. Before you even get to the zoo and show them the elephants. I tried explaining to Tiny Roly-Poly Friend that it was only a drop and that if he hadn't panicked and stayed all rolled up he would have realized this and crawled right out of the drop and right on to the ivy leaf. Alas. He was beyond hearing. Harper, as is her inclination, refused to believe that he was really and truly dead and insisted on putting him outside to "dry out" when we got home. Feel free to personalize the metaphor. Unfurl all ye who seem to drown!! It isn't the ocean, more than likely. Maybe it's just a drop.

I have a theory that preachers secretly love natural disasters because there are so many metaphors to be gained from them. I don't mind it as long as they don't get too thick. I am loathe to criticize the direct anecdote, even if they are cheesy, because they are so much better than stories that start off, "A man once said..." or "It was once told that..." Seriously, if the scriptures aren't vivid enough to you that you don't find daily, if not hourly, personal, first-person application that you can use to illustrate a point on Sunday morning, then you shouldn't be teaching other people. Period. There. In the unlikely event that I would ever get a chance to voice my views to a bunch of folks Training For The Paid Ministry, this is what I would tell them. Don't use passive voice. "Saturday when I was buying Hudson a pair of shoes on sale at R.E.I....." is a much better introduction to a point than, "It was once told that..." And for the love of all that is foot-noted, never introduce a quote by saying, "A man once said.." There's just no excuse for it. Find out who said it and tell me. And if Google attributes it to Mark Twain and Warren Buffet, go with Mark Twain. And if Google attributes it to more than, say, four different people, that probably means it's trite. SO don't use it at all. Think of something original to say. Whew. Class dismissed.

Speaking of class, my husband was on campus on his way to teach one of his classes a couple of days ago and a student he passed asked him, "Is there a play?" He called to tell me and I immediately asked him what he was wearing (the husband, not the student). "Blue pin-striped suit, white shirt...yellow bow-tie." The husband loves the bow-ties. He's a snazzy dresser. Apparently to the point of looking theatrical.

Speaking of college campuses, I have decided something quite radical. Are you ready? (caveat #1: if you have a liberal arts degree and are easily offended, STOP READING NOW. caveat #2: the husband and I have, between us, undergrad degrees in English and Biblical studies, and graduate degrees in philosophical theology and law). I have decided that I do not care if my children go to college. That's right. You read that correctly. I want my kids to find a fulfilling vocation through which they can be useful, be joyful, and earn a living wage, regardless of the economy. If college is necessary to enhance their usefulness in their chosen vocation, I will support it. But if my son comes to me when he is 18 and tells me he wants to major in philosophy, I will tell him he must first apprentice as a pipe-fitter or electrician so that he can earn a wage while he pursues philosophy. Or the drums. Or poetry. I think it's a little trickier with girls. So much of what they will need to know I need to teach them, and I have lots of learning to do. Or I'll encourage them to be nurses. Because it is so very useful. And so like Jesus to go around healing people physically. Plus the pay is great. There is lots left for me to hash out, I realize. I just know that I spent four years at college and had NOT ONE useful skill when I graduated. I don't count the ability to find obscure thematic elements in Mansfield Park as a useful skill, you see. I watch home improvement shows and am amazed that people know how to wire a house. Or sew their own curtains. Or make sure toilets flush properly. Ok, the kids are up from their naps and we are going swimming, because these are the years they just get to play. I'll rant more on this topic later, I'm sure.