three is the new two

A year or so ago I got a couple of free issues of a magazine called Cookie. It's a mommy magazine for mommies who shop at Bergdorf Goodman and whose Big Conflicts center around things like whether or not to have a nanny or a "manny" for their young sons. I found it pretty entertaining. One article I specifically remember chronicled a trend among the young and affluent to have at least three kids because it was a symbol of financial bounty. It mainly detailed the phenomenon in large metropolitan areas where, apparently, kids are SOO expensive because of all the private schools and nannies and the needing of extra space in one's upper East side apartment. It's interesting to me that while several of my friends have two kids with no plans for more, the majority of my circle, both childhood friends and newer acquisitions, have at least three, or four, or five. We tend to shop at Target instead of Barney's. Most of us don't have nannies. Or mannies. And while we're all somewhere along the middle class spectrum, I don't think any of us sees the kids we have (or will have) beyond two as any sort of hallmark of financial success. Growing up, my parents had a fairly large group of friends, all of whom, with one exception, had two kids. The only big families I can remember at school were Mormon. Even the Catholic families had three at the most. I think my parents and their friends find our choices somewhat puzzling, even irresponsible maybe. It was instructive for me, a few months back, to read a fascinating discussion/debate about this issue (from a decidedly Christian perspective) over at Amy's Humble Musings. I honestly had never really formed strong opinions about how many kids I wanted to have. And we still haven't. I think getting married somewhat late (I was 33) made me apprehensive to make broad proclamations about something that is clearly outside of my control. I had seen so many friends struggle with infertility that pregnancy seemed veiled in this longing with no guarantee of it ever actually happening. I have, as it turns out, been pregnant and/or nursing for all but the first three months of marriage. And pregnancy IS always somewhat miraculous. And it has been amazing. And unexpected. And tiring. And my poor husband has at times been neglected because he (usually) doesn't cry when he is not fed on time and he is really good at dressing himself. But I know neither of us would do it differently. Clearly at some point in the near future, I will be at the end of biologic child bearing. But then there is the fact that every time I read or hear about friends (or strangers, for that matter) who have adopted, I weep with the beautiful metaphorical God-ness of it, and something in me wants to be a part of that deeply as well. So. There you have it. For those who have asked, or simply wondered, what our plans are. I wish Harper were old enough to read this. When we talk about the new baby she has repeatedly responded, always in a slow, deliberate way because we are clearly missing it, "But we already HAVE a baby."

I think I needed to write this today because I had a day fraught with regret and self-doubt yesterday. I let Hudson fall off of a tall bridge at the playground and he was terrified and had dirt and pine needles in his eyes and his nose and his mouth and his face is all scraped up. He is, thankfully and rather miraculously, intact. He'd gone across it probably five times without incident and even though I was right there, he managed to trip and fall just out of my reach. Now there's a metaphor for you. It is, I imagine, some semblance of what Sarah Palin and her husband are feeling these days. Only I get slightly less media coverage.Here he is at two weeks. Much easier to keep him safe then.